i feel really alone.


i've been very stressed lately. have been trying to put everything together at the last minute. i haven't been doing well at all in any of my courses. i'm a c+ in all of them which is pathetic. i've been getting angry, frustrated, snappy, and irritable with everyone for the slightest of discomforts. i don't like being like that. i ended up responding into situations in ways i would regret.

i just feel like i have no one to depend on. at least my sister is able to help me out financially. but there's no one to go to let out my worries. there's no one i can ask i can rely on to get something done competently without my constant attention. and i hate that i don't have parents i can lean on. a family to go home to. there's nothing. there's not even a boyfriend. there's just friends that have all of that for me to be jealous of and can't fill that hole for me. i've tried not to be upset about living on my own. i tried not to have to even consider the possibility of moving out as a bad idea. but i don't care anymore. i'm just so useless.

***

i wanted to go to subspace this weekend for the longest time. i even got pieces for my outfit a month ago. and now i don't know. i have to model in the morning because i'm broke and need to do what i can to pay off bills. i was supposed to spend some time with brittany since february! and there's a new boy i've been seeing. but i don't want to stress myself anymore with cutting down time for me to get things done.