Mainly I'm disgusted at myself. Disgusted that I let myself down. Disgusted that I compromised on something I had difficulty trying to get the opportunity in the first place and the reason I pursued this. It's not just recent events that make me feel morally filthy, but my over consuming, unproductive, disorganized lifestyle as well. You know I wish I had suck it up, accepted it, and moved on earlier, but that's usually the case when we look at things in retrospect. At least one thing I'm not disappointed about was trying and not leaving much to regret. Which is contradictory because if I was more assertive and uncompromising, then I would have felt I wasn't trying on my part. Well, I'm sure I'll accept this part of me soon enough and return to my selfish exploitative heathenism like I have many times before. But maybe this time, I'll take the hints less lightly and stick to my principles.