I was looking at some old pics from highschool. I wonder how much I've changed internally. Even now, sometimes I get confused at how I define myself. Maybe I should take some time and write that out, like I did for the other thing.

Also, I'm not sure if I wanna do anything this Halloween. I was planning to go to Halloween fet night saturday after, and Brittany invited me to the silver snail party for Friday. But I'm most likely working on Friday til 9pm and would be rather tired from the week, and getting home from downtown after 1am is always a hassle. Although now that I think about it, I may have to go to the fet as I invited the roomie and his gf in the first place, and both of them are looking forwad to dressing up for it. All I know for sure is the usual dressing up for class on the 31st and for saturday i'm watching "Return to Oz" if i can borrow it from the library.

Strangely, I would like nothing better than a quiet weekend at home.

Anyways, back to electric fields and gaussian surfaces.

So I really should stop expecting people to really care... it's disappointing otherwise. If I do, then when they are, I shall be pleasantly surprised.

Had a bad day yesterday, went in for my relativity midterm half hour late because I thought it started at 2:30, when it ended at 2:20.But honestly, I was frustrated with the relativity material and gave up studying for it last weekend, so I guess it doesn't really matter that I went in late for the mid-term, I would have done as crappily. I'm not gonna drop the course, since I paid for it and I may be able to work for a B, but most likely end up with a C or C+.

Bad start to the day today. I really should stick to my own plans if I'm in this pissy mood so I don't get more pissy. On the bright side, biophysics was interesting as always. We had a guess lecturer talking about biomolecular interactions, in particular affinity bonds. He talked about some of the methods of measuring affinity and they were pretty neat. But we ran out of time; I would've liked to listen to more. I cannot wait for the chance to work in a lab.

I'm very bad at enforcing new habits.

Sigh. I want sleep way more than I should have it. So I have a arduous week ahead of me. I need to stay focus and push through it. I have to remind myself, only one week that I have to work extra hard so I can keep my marks.

Saturday:
- study Relativity, do practice questions, review problem sets, read general relativity
- get ready at 4 to leave
- head over to sis' at 5pm
- do EM assignment overnight

Sunday:
- return home at 8am
- study more relativity
- stay awake til midnight for Alexz to sleep over

Monday:
- RELATIVITY TEST (dies)
- work: 3:30 to close

Tuesday:
- Biophysics Seminar (take notes)
- skip Chemistry(?)
- chemistry prelab
- 2213 h.w. assignment
- chemistry - thermo problem sets, mastering chem, study for quiz
- 2213 lab 1
- 2015 homework
- study for 2020 midterm


Wednesday:
- CHEMISTRY LAB 3 at 7pm (gross)
- study for chemistry quiz
- 2213 lab 1
- study for 2015 test
- study for 2020 midterm


Thursday:
- CHEMISTRY QUIZ
- 2213 lab 1
- study for 2015 test
- study for 2020 midterm

Friday:
- 2015 MATH TEST
- 2020 EM MID-TERM
- PHYSICS LAB 2, hand in lab 1
- may have work from 6pm to close (ask on Monday)

I'm so gonna reward myself with sleep after this if I pull it off. That or go clubbing. And Izzy and I have a very fun *trip* planned, maybe for the Monday afterwards.

because i got bored from studying

Ideas for (don't worry I have more than just a titled in mind, I just don't like fleshing out the details until the piece is done).

Visual Art:
- poster "Will You Put My Hands Away"
- poster "Dark Eeyore"
- finish nosferatu painting
- painting "Flesh"
- photo compilation "Asphyxiation" -> photo manip contest/collab?

Writing:
- poem "Aftermath"
- short story "Restraint"

Reading:
- Clockwork Orange
- The Trouble With Physics
- Electricity and Magnetism in Biological Systems (*heart* Flipping through this book is the reason i'm in biophysics, so maybe i should take the time and read it... )

You know what novel I loved and was remminded recently: Brothers. Goldman is such an awesome author. I can't get the ending out of my head; it was so sad and unfulfilling like life, lol.

Nerdify me.

Last post was me freaking out a little of not getting osap funding. Looks like i will be getting some funding, but I won't get it in actuality til November. Anyways, that is still better than giving up school. I was almost breaking down to adjust to that reality if I had to. Next year definitely apply early for osap so i can deal with their shit.

The week before last week was pretty fun for me. I got to see some of my favourite boys: Zaheen, Christian, Alexz. And yesterday I got to chat with Daniel, he seems to be doing well in BC. People I still haven't had a chance to meet up with for ages includes Tim. I'm planning on seeing my mom in November she sounded really sad when I talked to her today. Not having her kids around has been tough on her.

I'm at my sister's for thanksgiving. Man did i stuff myself as bad as we stuffed that turkey. I feel kind of ridiculous and fat for doing so, lol. I didn't get much studying done unfortunately. I was feeling more lethargic than usual. I will probably plan to leave super early tomorrow so I can have some time to study at home.

So stuff I need to get done for this week:

* 2015 notes and homework for Wednesday test
* 2040 review and preparation to talk to taylor on tuesday about concept/problem issues
* 2040 assignment for Wednesday

- 2020 problem set 4 for Friday
- 2213 lab 10
- chemistry lab 2
- chemistry quiz question set

I hate being sick. I keep waking up with a sore throat. I get better during the day. Then at night I get worse and keep coughing. It's making me less motivated then I am already. I need to remind myself how awesome I feel when I understand new ideas and finish all my homework.

huge gigantic sigh

i hate when i'm left wondering.

my head was so clear this afternoon. this will set me back if it doesn't go through, and i'll be tempted to cut all ties (except the one with my sister).

Naomi Klein was on Colbert report. She was looking really good. Must get a hold of that ep.

is it kind of awful that i can't keep my goals for the next few days up but i'm already thinking about what to do if i get through uni? i would like to have a rather self sustainable life when i retire (ie live off my own farm) that or live on a boat (that would be neat). so i'll have to learn those survival skills somewhere, sometime.