Fun and Insufficiency

This was a pretty great weekend. I had way too much fun at the Dark Rave v.100 for the hour that I spent there. I danced for an 45minutes straight. I wished I could have stayed there a bit longer but then again it may have ruined the high. I really do love getting slightly intoxicated and dancing to the darkrave music. I met that older guy who gave me a bracelet at my first darkrave/club night that I went to with Abi on my birthday. He gave me another bracelet! I danced with him and tried to thank him. It was a tinsy bit awkward when he told me I looked nice (and was "sexy"? - lol) and kissed me on the cheek, but as long as he wasn't gonna try anything more, it was alright. Also, I hanged out at rvm at savage garden for a bit. Also, met Tynan from Sparticist League there which was a surprise, but good to see him in a non-political capacity. Yep, Brittany and Chris are good company and we had some fun. We shared some shots celebrating chris's 23 b-day. They invited me to join them for fet night this month, but I feel it's too much to get cracking on Calculus and work and seeing Alexzander, to go clubbing every weekend. I definitely am gonna try my hardest to make it to July's fet and panic because I like the themes and am trying to get all the people i know and *heart* to go and have fun; hopefully avoiding any calc tests/exams occuring at the same time to study for.

I've been sort of planning my reaction to Alexzander on the nature of our relationship. I was hesitant to make any first comments as I didn't know how I will feel as time passes by and didn't want to say something and take it back or say more. I very much like spending time with him, talking to him, and sharing his perspective. It's comfortable without loss of intensity for me. Whatever happens, I do hope we can stay friends as I do enjoy his personality and company immensely. Today he brought it up, and we decided we both weren't looking for a serious relationship. To be honest I wasn't expecting us to be seeing each other so soon. That night I made him dance close with me, I was just seeing how it felt, then to ask him for us to get to know each other better, and was gonna call it a night. Well it went a little more than that, which was a unexpected but a pleasant surprise.

Now I'm just a little concerned how I will feel once full time school starts for both of us. I will certainly have less time to spend and more stress than the summer. I hated feeling sometimes obligated to spend time with Dave, even though he said he was okay with me being at school, he just never rested my worries and I got a bit too drama queen about it. I don't feel that with Alexz now, but I wasn't so sure about the fall. So I told Alexzander if he wanted out to tell me as soon as he knew, and that rests my fears.

If I'm not sufficient enough even after trying within my boundaries, I can't help it; but you don't have to put up with me.

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I was feeling a little poetic and was reading some old journal entries from my notebooks I had. I couldn't believe how different now I feel from then. The entries were a little depressing to remember but REALLY made me happy about the decision of moving out of my parents place. Everything that I felt was regretful about this past year pales in comparison to how regretful I would have felt if I had stayed in my dad's household. I feel I'm in a much better place right now, it's a good experience to have and cherish.