Oh this was way too fun. Definitely gift certificates to book stores are awesom0. I think I will ask for ones to BMV in the future. My sister got me a $50 gift cert to chapters yesterday and I just spent it all this morning online on the following.

The Metamorphosis And Other Stories - Paperback
Disney Princess The Enchanted Castle Pop-up Book - Hardcover (for my niece in the future)
Heart of Darkness and Selected Short Fiction (Barnes & Noble Classics Series)
Kafka: The Complete Stories - Paperback
Interpol Remix [EP] * - Compact Disc
Handwriting by Ondaatje Book & Cassette - Audio Format

I'm so excited to get them within the next month. I also got the Centenial Edition of East of Eden from Alexzander. And am halfway through The Trouble with Physics. W00t, W00t at all my new books.

This somewhat makes up for the fact I lost Baboudjian's book. I'm on my way to recreating the thought process and improving on it. After a little bit (or rather a lot) of Steinbeck and Ondaatje's English Patient, then I'll be prepared to scribble through For The Time Being and make it may own just like Almazy did with his book.

i need to make a detail schedule. i've never had so many things to do over a holiday. wow, me socializing, can't say i dislike it.

Friday
- cook food for potluck
- head out to cupe party around 9pm
- leave by 11pm

Saturday
- clean up room
- poassibly at miss behavn from 4-7pm
- dinner at boston pizza at 8pm
- leave by 10pm

Sunday
- work from 11-3:30pm
- visit my sister and drop off presents
- work party at yonge and sheppard at 8pm
- leave by 10pm

Monday
- visit Hamilton (?)

Tuesday
- work from 11-4:30pm
- last minute wrapping

Wednesday
- work from 11-4pm
- bring presents
- dinner with Alexz
- head over to sis'(?)


I wouldn't mind being so busy if i didn't have to take even more time to make up for delays from the weather.

went over to abi's today to finish filming our canada's next top model audition. i know, i know, really sandra? but yeah, it was pretty fun taking pictures with abi. brittany did make-up.

she has SO much make up.

i also gave them my christmas prez and they gave me mine. i got some uber cool angel wing earrings from brittany. abi probably gave me the awesomest christmas present of my life thus far. i got a ryuk doll, an L poster from deathnote and some nail polish. but really the ryuk doll killed me, it's so cute. i'm going to smother it with hugs.

looks like i will probably be spending christmas day on my own. i don't feel like heading out to scarborough to spend it with my sister after getting home late. if ted's gone back to cleveland to visit family, maybe i can face my fears finally.

wishlist

I realized i left my "for the time being" by anne dillard which mrs. baboudjian gave to me and i have personal momentos in, and franz kafka shorts anthology book at dave's which i will shortly ask him to return but that's a long shot. :|

Because Alexz wanted me to write down a list of things i wanted for christmas so he can choose one. This is the first time I've ever done this. The whole sharing my wishlist concept is foreign to me.

wishlist (in no particular order)

- interpol remix cd: Link

and omg there's also a string quartet TRIBUTE to interpol. "this album will lead to less dancing and more romancing." excellent (as if you could make interpol more romancing). Link.

- silver coloured snake short neck-chain

- over the knee socks that actually fit my height! lol.

- flower scent body wash

- pair of 16 gauge ear stud/ring

- goth/lace choker

- garter belt

- any type of funky/argyle stockings (size: 140lb; 5'7")

- any book/magazine physics/biology/biophysics related as long as it's not a textbook, lol.

- water colour paint set, paper, or brushes

- "east of eden" steinbeck centenial edition from penguin books (my grade 12 english isu novel. so freaken long and beautiful)

- any novel by michael ondaatje that is not the english patient

I can't think of anything else and I'm sure that's more than enough to choose from.

I finished reading "the Pearl" by steinbeck today. That author never fails to disappoint me. The ease at which his character and setting descriptions read, his portrayal of forgotten but relatable communities, and the ever stark despondent realistic endings he writes are so satisfying.

i did a very selfish thing today. I bought a $200 doc marten boots because i got sick of seeing the same type of boots in the stores. anyways, i shall have to cut back on the other extra crap i want to get (sigh, interpol remix cd, you will just have to wait my precious). also i lost my cell phone again, but i think i will just go and renew my contract for a free phone (hopefully not a flip one, i'm tired of those).

clubbing:
i'm still going out this weekend, to ebm night at basement and rvm at savage garden. both after work. i'm going to a rave at downsview for new years because i'm dying to dance to happy-core and jungle. in february, b-day month, going to go see combichrist hopefully and darkrave aftershow. then i think i will like to dress up for a fet masquerade.

i need to make an appointment for the optometrist. i need to get contacts if i want to go to the concert and see people when i'm window modeling, and probably a back up pair of glasses. i would like to get coloured contacts if my finances are ok. should i get violet or amber? i'm avoiding natural colours because frankly i rather like my dark irises, but i heart hazel or light brown on guys. i most likely will wait in getting them and just get regular ones for occasions like concerts.

now back to your regular schedule programming of calc.

i keep insisting to do things in a certain way but end up not following through. it only ends well part of the time. i really have to try harder to not be a douchebag.

i hate all this travelling. i wish i could have a week to myself.

So-so-so. Solidarity!

it was fun being at the picket lines. went with two other undergrads, sadia and jacob, to the rexall picket. and went to the noon rally at the front gate. we had speakers from uoft and ryerson's student union and respective cupe chapters. we were advised not to attend the anti-strike rally, but saw them in passing by. there was about a hundred people. apparently their primary speaker was a conservative mp from richmond hill or something. someone said the admin were drinking coffee and attending the event whilst one of the concerns by them is that the yfs isn't being neutral. i went to pick up one of their petition letters to mcguinty about forcing cupe back to work (like ttc, which is funny because cupe is not an essential service and i doubt he will do that, nor should they) and one of the people behind the table told me they wanted signs without sticks. and i looked at them funny because they thought i was here to support them while clearly the sign i was carrying said "undergrads <3 cupe" and "living wages".

i also met a classmate that was in support of arbitration and against the strike and cupe. he said something like 80% of grad students in the science faculty didn't support it. i don't find that surprising as i don't find many science students involve or aware of social struggles in the first place and would totally not see the bigger picture that the gains/losses of cupe would have on other labour struggles and quality of education.

i also met ali, from saia and campus riot and he said he helped start the yu free press. i was thinking of submitting something in but had no idea to start on. i think i'll try to go on wednesday or thursday to the picket lines where the science t.a.s are and do some interviews. maybe i can find some material to write from that. i want to know their
- name, faculty, major
- what their working hours were like, how they live and manage school and t.a.ship
- if they voted for or against the strike
- what their stance is on the strike now, has it changed
- how many of their colleagues were for or against it
- if there was a predominant feeling against it, why is that so, did they think it had something to do with being a science academic
- if they had engage in other forms of social protest/demos before
- if they are involve in other community organizations
- how important being involved in social, political, and local community is to them and their development
- what message or advice they would like to give to their students and undergrad community

are there any other things do you think i should inquire about? i will probably bring my laptop as it would be easier to record their answers than writing it down. i'm slightly excited to see what they have to say.

***********************************************

i went to go see my mom on yesterday. i really missed her. god that woman can cook. i swear, after i ate her home cooking, it made my eating habits for the past months feel like i've been on a mcdonald's diet, even though i've only been there like twice. she always loved cooking for the family, i think she feels that's the one thing she's good at and can do for us. i wish she could've worked the past few years, got into better shape, and hung out with friends. but she didn't partly because of my dad and partly because of herself.

i think i appreciate her a lot more now than when i lived with my dad. he was always demeaning her and getting into arguments. on the flip side, i do recognize my mom has some issues as depression, not listening to rational, and not taking initiative. i hope in ten years or so i can give her the choice to live with me if she wants. but for that to happen i have to finish at least my undergrad and have a stable job. sometimes i think about how my mom's life turned out, i feel really sad. she deserved better.

i guess my dad does too. he did bring the family to canada and participate in an important political struggle against the dictatorship. he had to leave his parents at the age of 8 to live with his mother's uncle. got bullied by the uncle and the uncle's family and lived almost like a servant just so he can get a better education. he tried to kill himself by drinking gasoline at like the age of 10 and got really sick. it took him six years to pass his final year, because he didn't know what to do with his life. he supported himself through highschool and university on his own. went to school during the day and work as a clerk at night until he got a stipend. when he married, my mom's side of the family didn't approve of him. he had to work for a year away from the family on a ship as a marine engineer. he trusted a family friend that kept my brother and sister in the country when he tried to leave. he was in jail for a few months in thailand after i was born. he never got to pursue a career in automotive engineering. he worked as a janitor here. he's always worked 12-hour day and night shifts work that makes his sleep irregular. finally, his side of the family got hit hard by the recent tsunami.

my sister and i both left home because of him, but he sees that as a betrayal of what he did for us. even though i feel sorry for him, i don't feel that any of that was my responsibility. he still had a level of independence and ownership of his life that he never gave to me and my sister. he gave some independence and trust to my brother because he was a male. he abhorrs the authoritarian nature of the military but he himself is authoritative to his family members. anyways, i'm not too worried about taking care of him, even though he thinks its all children's duty to look after their parents. i think my dad's pension and my brother can handle that. my mom unfortunately never worked long in canada so has no pension and i don't feel she can completely trust my dad to provide for her in her old age. i don't think my dad will cut her completely, but he is already threatening doing that because she wanted to go help my sister by babysitting. i hope i can offer her that choice and possibly make the last decades of her life content.

*************************************************
Plans for the week

Tuesday:
- gym
- study
- babysitting sammie in the afternoon

Wednesday:
- (?)meet up with ahmad to get my textbook back
- go interview at picket lines

Thursday:
- gym
- study

Friday:
- study
- burlesque show in the evening

Saturday:
- modeling 3:30 to 8pm
- (?)newmindspace event: night lights, higher than the cn tower

I want to be regular...

i've been feeling so lethargic lately. i really need to catch up on school. there's a house party right now but i don't feel like going because i've already hanged out with the same people last friday and i feel i've used up all my conversation material then, and bitching about your prof and workload gets really old fast.

just back from the first free-say meeting on campus that i've been able to go to since i usually work monday evenings. it was mostly a discussion on the strike, fairness or unfairness of it, and the differences of grad student to undergrad. carmen was also there and we chatted about her birthday plans for this weekend. i got a call from miss behaving and they someone cancel for this saturday. i wasn't planning on working this saturday because i was gonna go see my mom in hamilton, but because i have no job at the moment, i needed the employment. so hopefully i can see my mom on sunday instead. so i guess i'm going to join carmen at the bovine sex club on friday evening and her b-day house party saturday evening. it should be fun: dance, make new friends, etcetera, etcetera.

this morning, i joined the undergrad support cupe event. it was fun chanting and checking out the different strike lines and seeing some familiar faces from riot. but demo-ing still feels crappy when i go by myself, inspite of all the other people there. haven't really liked it since i went to the last large anti-war one with dave. i think it was a good call to not go on wednesday, but now i can't really write think of anything to write for the new free press paper.

(i don't know why i have two boxes of empty liquer bottles. well i know they're ted's but i'm not sure of how he aquired them.)

i guess i can make a schedule for this week, but i still don't feel like following any plan. i'm REALLY not looking forward to looking for another job which will most likely be crappy. i wish osap would come through already.

Monday (evening onwards)
- laundry
- clean room
- clean desk*
- practice chemistry quiz (lets ease back into study mode)

Tuesday
- math, math, math
- call sister at 4:30pm, meet her at spadina around 5:30(?)
- babysit


Wednesday
- grocery shopping
- EM studying
- Public Viewing

Thursday
-

Friday
- meet up with carmen for bovine sex clubbing (10-12)

Saturday
- miss behavin 10:30 to 3:30
- carmen's birthday party

Sunday
- visit mom in hamilton
- meet up with tim in the evening(?)


Other things that could get done but don't know when to do them:
- try to get into chem 1001
- try to get into genetics for next term
- apply for summer research
- contact lianne about data reduction
- look for a job for during the strike
- get osap funding
- organize bedroom
- get contacts
- finish lab
- do mastering chemistry
- finish em assignment
- exam studynotes for all courses (esp relativity)
- extra problems in relativity
- extra problems in series
- extra problems in integration
- do the gists for biophys

So yeah and I butchered interpol's song "slow hands" at karaoke and i don't want to listen to them for a while, lol.

No Bama?

I know it's kind of an awful thing to suggest, but I'm actually kind of hoping that Obama will lose. This may actually awaken the american public to realizing how many loopholes and fraudulent practices are in their democratic and voting system. Should this upset happen, although not enough to trigger anything truly revolutionary, it could get a lot of people upset enough to mobilize themselves to become active in their political system and maybe realize/open to realization of some uncomfortable truths.

Such as voter fraud: http://www.democracynow.org/2008/11/3/on_eve_of_election_day_is

Not only that, but the awful propaganda and corporate media that voters base their decision on. For example, Christians voting for Republicans to uphold prolife(antichoice) and homophobic views. Yesterday I hear a Florida resident interviewed by cbc radio to suggest he wasn't going to vote for Obama because his name sounded like a Muslim. Because his name sounds muslim. As if there, being a Muslim means you aren't American. As if he were a Muslim he couldn't represent America. We all know about how hard Fox news and McCain try to tie him to terrorism. We all know how successful public relations was at tying Sadam Hussein to Bin Laden in the past and justifying a war that's still continuing. So I won't be surprised if media/PR magic came through again for a McCain win, one I would also see as fradulent by means of subjecting the american public day-in-and-day-out to misinformation and god-awful reporting.

Although I find Obama actuallying addressing issues and have characteristics of what we think an ideal politician should have, i find his speeches have only seem like very well put rhetoric to me. The true test of how he will represent the citizens of america can only be seen in time. I also do not agree on some of his foreign policies in particular partaining to Cuba, Afghanistan, and Israel. I strongly hope that if he is voted in, the american public will be vigilant that he upholds to the promise of change and not again be sidetracked by the entertainment/pagentry.

At the end of the day, I really don't want McCain-Palin in office. But if they somehow magically do, GET YOUR ASS OFF THE COUCH AND DO SOMETHING TO CORRECT IT.


Oh and come out to Queenspark tomorrow to protest post-secondary tuition fee hikes.

exit the grey

i can't lie that going to subspace wasn't rather disappointing. didn't have anyone to dance with, didn't see ted and kerry. i spent time, money, and energy getting the outfit, haircut, spending my miss behav'n gift certificate on toys i didn't even use. whoever said money can buy you happiness was obviously not talking about me. because that was rather the most depressing time i've had in a long while. but i guess i should be grateful that it doesn't really compare to missing my highschool graduation, that was disappointment.

watching secretary with zaheen and alexz was the highlight of the evening, which was a really good movie. i really should have left it there.

anyways, i have just over twenty dollars in my checking account. and about $800 in credit card debt, not to mention tuition. on monday i am picking up my osap loan. i don't know how long it will take for them to deposit that in my bank. so here's to not starving from now til then. though at least i get paid this coming friday. so here's to not starving from now til friday.

Week Planning (god I have so much to get done):

Sunday:
- get fucked
- try to recover and do some work
- go up to Alexzander's

Monday:
- appointment with student financial services at 9:20am (so should get back on campus by 9am)
- mastering chem
- work from 3pm to close

Tuesday:
- biophysics guest lecturer (something that can't let me down, sweet)
- go to bethune for 2040 help
- baby sitting sammie, call sister after last chem at 4pm

Wednesday:
- maybe call miss behavn to cancel if still hacking
- 2040 Assignment #7
- 2020 Problem set 5


Thursday:
- 1000 quiz on qm

Friday:
- math test
- lab #3 due
- work 6 to close

I was looking at some old pics from highschool. I wonder how much I've changed internally. Even now, sometimes I get confused at how I define myself. Maybe I should take some time and write that out, like I did for the other thing.

Also, I'm not sure if I wanna do anything this Halloween. I was planning to go to Halloween fet night saturday after, and Brittany invited me to the silver snail party for Friday. But I'm most likely working on Friday til 9pm and would be rather tired from the week, and getting home from downtown after 1am is always a hassle. Although now that I think about it, I may have to go to the fet as I invited the roomie and his gf in the first place, and both of them are looking forwad to dressing up for it. All I know for sure is the usual dressing up for class on the 31st and for saturday i'm watching "Return to Oz" if i can borrow it from the library.

Strangely, I would like nothing better than a quiet weekend at home.

Anyways, back to electric fields and gaussian surfaces.

So I really should stop expecting people to really care... it's disappointing otherwise. If I do, then when they are, I shall be pleasantly surprised.

Had a bad day yesterday, went in for my relativity midterm half hour late because I thought it started at 2:30, when it ended at 2:20.But honestly, I was frustrated with the relativity material and gave up studying for it last weekend, so I guess it doesn't really matter that I went in late for the mid-term, I would have done as crappily. I'm not gonna drop the course, since I paid for it and I may be able to work for a B, but most likely end up with a C or C+.

Bad start to the day today. I really should stick to my own plans if I'm in this pissy mood so I don't get more pissy. On the bright side, biophysics was interesting as always. We had a guess lecturer talking about biomolecular interactions, in particular affinity bonds. He talked about some of the methods of measuring affinity and they were pretty neat. But we ran out of time; I would've liked to listen to more. I cannot wait for the chance to work in a lab.

I'm very bad at enforcing new habits.

Sigh. I want sleep way more than I should have it. So I have a arduous week ahead of me. I need to stay focus and push through it. I have to remind myself, only one week that I have to work extra hard so I can keep my marks.

Saturday:
- study Relativity, do practice questions, review problem sets, read general relativity
- get ready at 4 to leave
- head over to sis' at 5pm
- do EM assignment overnight

Sunday:
- return home at 8am
- study more relativity
- stay awake til midnight for Alexz to sleep over

Monday:
- RELATIVITY TEST (dies)
- work: 3:30 to close

Tuesday:
- Biophysics Seminar (take notes)
- skip Chemistry(?)
- chemistry prelab
- 2213 h.w. assignment
- chemistry - thermo problem sets, mastering chem, study for quiz
- 2213 lab 1
- 2015 homework
- study for 2020 midterm


Wednesday:
- CHEMISTRY LAB 3 at 7pm (gross)
- study for chemistry quiz
- 2213 lab 1
- study for 2015 test
- study for 2020 midterm


Thursday:
- CHEMISTRY QUIZ
- 2213 lab 1
- study for 2015 test
- study for 2020 midterm

Friday:
- 2015 MATH TEST
- 2020 EM MID-TERM
- PHYSICS LAB 2, hand in lab 1
- may have work from 6pm to close (ask on Monday)

I'm so gonna reward myself with sleep after this if I pull it off. That or go clubbing. And Izzy and I have a very fun *trip* planned, maybe for the Monday afterwards.

because i got bored from studying

Ideas for (don't worry I have more than just a titled in mind, I just don't like fleshing out the details until the piece is done).

Visual Art:
- poster "Will You Put My Hands Away"
- poster "Dark Eeyore"
- finish nosferatu painting
- painting "Flesh"
- photo compilation "Asphyxiation" -> photo manip contest/collab?

Writing:
- poem "Aftermath"
- short story "Restraint"

Reading:
- Clockwork Orange
- The Trouble With Physics
- Electricity and Magnetism in Biological Systems (*heart* Flipping through this book is the reason i'm in biophysics, so maybe i should take the time and read it... )

You know what novel I loved and was remminded recently: Brothers. Goldman is such an awesome author. I can't get the ending out of my head; it was so sad and unfulfilling like life, lol.

Nerdify me.

Last post was me freaking out a little of not getting osap funding. Looks like i will be getting some funding, but I won't get it in actuality til November. Anyways, that is still better than giving up school. I was almost breaking down to adjust to that reality if I had to. Next year definitely apply early for osap so i can deal with their shit.

The week before last week was pretty fun for me. I got to see some of my favourite boys: Zaheen, Christian, Alexz. And yesterday I got to chat with Daniel, he seems to be doing well in BC. People I still haven't had a chance to meet up with for ages includes Tim. I'm planning on seeing my mom in November she sounded really sad when I talked to her today. Not having her kids around has been tough on her.

I'm at my sister's for thanksgiving. Man did i stuff myself as bad as we stuffed that turkey. I feel kind of ridiculous and fat for doing so, lol. I didn't get much studying done unfortunately. I was feeling more lethargic than usual. I will probably plan to leave super early tomorrow so I can have some time to study at home.

So stuff I need to get done for this week:

* 2015 notes and homework for Wednesday test
* 2040 review and preparation to talk to taylor on tuesday about concept/problem issues
* 2040 assignment for Wednesday

- 2020 problem set 4 for Friday
- 2213 lab 10
- chemistry lab 2
- chemistry quiz question set

I hate being sick. I keep waking up with a sore throat. I get better during the day. Then at night I get worse and keep coughing. It's making me less motivated then I am already. I need to remind myself how awesome I feel when I understand new ideas and finish all my homework.

huge gigantic sigh

i hate when i'm left wondering.

my head was so clear this afternoon. this will set me back if it doesn't go through, and i'll be tempted to cut all ties (except the one with my sister).

Naomi Klein was on Colbert report. She was looking really good. Must get a hold of that ep.

is it kind of awful that i can't keep my goals for the next few days up but i'm already thinking about what to do if i get through uni? i would like to have a rather self sustainable life when i retire (ie live off my own farm) that or live on a boat (that would be neat). so i'll have to learn those survival skills somewhere, sometime.

The Sleep Deprivation Shakes

I'm so tired, I'm getting the jitters. I could barely write in class, lol. I have had an hour of sleep so far, as I've been up with Ahmad doing our 2020 assignment that was due last friday. :S Although I have some days off, I seriously need them for cramming.

Tonight:
Work: 3-close (10pm?)
Make sure Mastering Chemistry is done
Review Chem and write out formula study sheet/flash cards.
2040 Problem set 3

Tuesday:
Clean Bathroom
Clean Kitchen
Laundry
Get 204o notes from Melisa
Do 2040 Problem set 3
Meet Zaheen downtown at 1pm
Go to Shopper's Drugmart
Study at Ryerson/Eaton Centre
Meet up with Alexzander

Wednesday:
2040 Problem set 3
CRAM FOR A CHEMISTRY QUIZ AND BIOPHYSICS MIDTERM

Thursday:
2213 Lab 7 Writeup

Friday:
YAY!

I'm gonna go and try to catch about an hour of sleep before my next class, if i'm too tired, i'll skip catch another hour and go to work.

I had a whole thing written up about how overwhelmed I was feeling but didn't have time to update before going to a chem lab. I'm feeling a lot better now, but i'm not sure if it's because i wrote all that stuff out, because the lab was short and easy, or the realization that i have two days off next week (granted they will be for catching up but maybe i can actually go on a date to enjoy myself).

Planning:

Tonight
- study for 2015 test
- 2213 lab 7 report
- 2020 assignment 2
- write up letter to revenue canada

Thursday
- fax & phone revenue canada
- work from 4:30-8:30
- study for 2015 test
- 2213 lab 7 report

Friday
- 2015 test
- 2213 lab 7 due
- 2213 lab 8
- 2020 assignment

Saturday
-11am dance class with Abi
- eaton centre, get gift for mom
- go to sis' to babysit

I'm still not a better person than before, but neither are you.

Went to K-town for a bit. Had some pent up angst out.

I think I'm back to normal.

OMG. I am in such a freakish state. I have time on my hands to get stuff done??? Anyways, to update, I was working two jobs at the ex and it was like 12 hour days for 14 of the 18 days that it was running. I had insanely no time for anything. My room is a complete and utter mess. I don't even feel like doing anything except sleeping. I could literally sleep for a entire day if I let myself, but I can't because school starts TOMORROW. I have observatory tonight. I have yet to buy textbooks. I have lectures from 9:30 to 3:30 tomorrow. I probably need to get all my school texts etc done tomorrow night. I may or may not be working Thursday night. And Friday evening I'm off to Cherry Springs with Ted.

After this, I'm returning to tabling for the astronomy club. I'm not sure what I'm doing for the afternoon until observatory research. It's going to be a clear night. Yay and nay. Yay because I haven't had a successful research night myself. Nay because that means I won't be seeing Alexzander tonight.

~~~~~

But seriously, even though I have all this stuff to keep myself occupied, I just feel too dead to enjoy anything. I really wish I could run off to some remote town and hide away for the rest of my days in emptiness. I'm really debating why the fuck I'm in biophysics. I don't know what fucken research I will be willing to do for the rest of my life. Actually not just research, just anything. Well, at least I can use school as a reason to be a hermit if I feel like it.

Why do I have to be second questioning things now. I just want everything to be fastforwarded, really fastforwarded. argh.
.
.
.
.
.
I think I need to go meditate for a bit and destress.

JESUS FUCK

I was so bloody upset at myself a few minutes ago. Actually I'm still a little upset, but it's in perspective now, after some cinnamon cordial. I'm kind of amazed at my anger level lately. I have been having a short fuse the last couple of days, even though the last couple of days have been awesome. I think the reason may have been that I decided to cram too many plans in too short a time. I haven't had any solitary time that didn't involve me being on the bus, sleeping or sleeping on the bus. And now that I have some time to get things in order and prepare myself for this 18 day cne venture, i'm having to still cram more things down. I need to plan things better and know when to say no.

Otherwise, I got to meet up with a lot of people and activities. Monday, was going to the CNE and trying to get a food service job. I left my food handler's button at Alexz, which I hope will not effect anything. They're pretty anal down there. I guess I have to make some calls and see where I can get another one as I don't think I can go up to Newmarket at 11pm from union, get there at 12, and have to go back home. But I still might have to tomorrow. Well whatever's. After the CNE thing, Abi came over to study and we got to see some meteor's in between.

Tuesday, was the exam in the morning, with celebratory k for enduring through it. I don't think I'll want to do it for a while as I got pretty nauseous from it and it's not really as fun as pot. Headed to Jackson square in Hammertown, to catch a movie with Sarah, Maggie and Cecelia. We headed over to Maggie's to indulge in some eggplant curry, cake and alcohol's. I slept over as I wanted to spend some more time over there. I probably won't be seeing Sarah til Christmas break, which is a long ways off. The three had done the tree planting up north this summer, and that was basically all they could talk about. I'm very tempted to do it next year. As not only will it be spending some awesome time with some awesome people, but there will be dark sky and scenery everyday of work. Only thing is, i'm not sure if I can keep up physically.

Wednesday was almost unbearable to get through during the day. The CNE orientation took forever when it should've taken only about 2hrs. Also, they didn't call me for the information booth specific orientation and now i'm in the dark. I have to go there early tomorrow and get that straighten out on top of the other thing. I almost wish I could just not do this except for the fact that I have to pay bills. Was able to head up to Newmarket earlier than originally plan. Had a great time, but fell asleep kind of early and so didn't get to help the boy with the maths.

Thursday, I got home around 10 am, rush to an interview for a position at the Grad Lounge. I'm schedule to do a trial run on the morning of Aug 27th. Then we'll see if I get the position for first semester. Just caught the bus to Hamilton to go see mom. As usual, I spent it eating awesome food but got to see little of my mom as she is constantly cooking. Though I appreciate all the nice food she packs for me, I think she should realize I would much rather just do a nice activity with her, that doesn't involve her cooking.

Well, so here we are. I still have beef to cook because it was kept in the fridge instead of the freezer. And I have laundry's to do, because I will have no time being busy from 7am - 11pm everyday. All in all, this has been a good week but a little too stressful. I was originally gonna write about me wanting to try for med school, but that seems a huge improbability. I'll be glad to get through this year financially. Sigh.

Mmmmm Beach Trip

So last weekend was uber fun. Alexzander came down to sleep over Friday night and was able to stay til Monday morning. On Sunday, we went to some camp beach grounds in Pentigauishineweasdfasf near midland. Other people who went included Israel, his gf Michelle, Michelle's friend Hemiry (?), Elio (?), & Ahmad. I got to lounge in the sun and play frisbee. But my god was the water full of rocks and the sand rather gritty. I am so glad we went. I love going to the beach and I hadn't gone since I was 12 or 13.

So I'm gonna be rather busy trying to cram this coming week.

Tuesday - print resignation letter, drop off osap, switch math 2270 to 2271, study, probably go see Alexz as it's the only day I can spare til next wednesday.
Wednesday - wake up at 6am to head to work from newmarket, work 9-4, study
Thursday - shopping with sis from 11am til... whenever, then study for the rest of the time.
Friday - work 3-10pm
Saturday - work 3-8pm
Sunday - House warming Brunch at Tasha's at noon.
Monday Aug 11 - CNE orientation for N.A. Midway (another job opp?), study party with Abi
Tuesday Aug 12 - dress up as morning Stan and Kyle for the 9am Exam for Calc 1014
Wednesday Aug 13 - CNE orientation for Info-Booth
Thursday Aug 14 - 11am Job Fair for the Grad Lounge, go visit mom, maybe see Sarah.
Friday Aug 15 - 4-10pm, first day on the CNE grounds. SWEET.

my hair wants me to be emo

Great thing about this short haircut is that after being drenched in other's and your own perspiration, my hair will look fine after its dry. Can't say much about how it will smell...

Also..., I didn't know Chris (singer from propagandhi) was so hot. I had a good time, though I went alone and left alone. Hostage Life was playing first and I liked most of their stuff, and there was some nice looking bandmates. Brutal Knight wasn't the right sound for me, but the singer was really entertaining to watch and even came down from the stage to sing. Only regret, I wished I had tried to listen to Propagandhi's newer material as half the set was from them. Well at least now, I'm sort of warming up to their new sound.

***********************
Rest of the weekend was pretty good. Saturday night, I went to Brittany's skull/pirate theme party. There was some rather good curry and cake served. Then I headed to the Reverb for Subspace fet night with Alexzander. That was pretty fun. I liked the music they played. But we didn't stick around for the end of the slave auction. I got invited by an asian woman (who i thought was rather pretty) to be thronged by herself and I'm guessing her man-friend. I awkwardly accepted, but they never came back for me, which I think was all for the best. I may be a sub, but I don't like other people attempting to turn me on, especially if it's by a guy I'm not seeing. I wouldn't mind too much if it was just a girl, or if I was single.

I also go to talk to my mom this Sunday morning for like an hour which was nice. I miss her a bit. And I also go to talk to Daniel, who's all the way in vancouver. We chatted about music, free food, relationships, and career. I advised him against joining the army, but essentially told him to pick what he feels strongest about.

***********************
Monday - class, study
Tuesday - class, study
Wednesday - test, work 4:30-10pm
Thursday - work 4:30-10pm
Friday - work 5-10pm
Saturday - work 4-8pm, RvM if beach trip is cancelled
Sunday - beach trip/hang out with Alexzander
***********************

Ecstatic and Tired

I have a ticket to go see Propagandhi for Sunday, w00t. Rotate This was sold out but I got one at the Horseshoe Tavern. But since I will be going to subspace on saturday and the concert on sunday... I have to get myself studying for the next test pronto. Yes I am up at 2am b/c of much enjoyable and missed girl talking with my sister, who seems to be holding up better today.

Monday - skipped class (:O but i had good reason. i got a job at the cne for it), visit sis
Tuesday - baby sit, class, work 4:30-10pm
Wednesday - study, class, work 4:30-10pm
Thursday - study, 4:30-10pm
Friday - 7am-1pm, clinic, study
Saturday - 8am-5pm, Brittany's garden party, subspace
Sunday - sleep!!!! propagandhi at 7:30 - 10:30

OMG it's late, the informercials are on... the ones with Dr. Ho... He seems to be having to fake the asian accent.

I heart you Calculus and yet I hate you. No, I don't hate you. I just hate the pressure of school.

Sorry, haven't updated in a while. Busy and nothing really new at the moment.

I was feeling a little off last week, for no real good reason. I guess it was either hormornal or brain chemistry was off. I did use it to write some stuff down. I'll have all the writings posted on D.A. later once I fill up the little notebook.

Today I had a test. I thought it wasn't too bad, which is actually a bad sign as usually when I think I did okay, I did worse... a lot worse in most cases. So I'm gonna write this one off (again...) and focus on the next test and exam. I don't mind if I don't get a too great a mark, but I have to more careful as every mark now is going to count towards whether I will get into grad school or not. Well, not just the marks, I have to understand the material quickly.

I will be hugely disappointed if I don't make it.

Tomorrow I have an interview at 10am. Then I'm gonna go check out some shoe store, lol. Pick up some birth control. If I have time, have lunch with Ted. I have an appointment at 2pm with the temporary Chair of Physics to help sort out my course problem with chemistry as well as get a new security card for Ted to get into the physics building. In the evening, I may get to go see HellBoyII with Ted as well.

******************************

I made a mistake getting this job. I hate these jobs that don't guarantee me hours or work. People at the lower end of the ladder are always screwed first b/c the business doesn't know how to communicate or make good choices. I want to work during this year, but second year really is going to be full and "brutal". I'm debating to drop my genetics course and take it next year. I really wish I could've taken a cushy 9-5 office job with solid hours, but alas, summer school. Makes me want to reconsider doing that again for next summer.

Well, I think I'm gonna push it for next year. I really do need the money. I may have to cut back on time doing activism though. I'll definitely help out but not put myself for everything. Unlike most of the poli-sci majors there, I can't hand in a paper weeks after it's due. That and since I will be more involved in the Astronomy club, and hopefully join the Physics club this year, my time will definitely be more divided. Also, FreeSAY always hosted events that I enjoyed.

At least I won't have to manage around a 40 minute commute. Yippee.

**********************************

Friday morning, I'm gonna go talk to Financial Services and ask them about how to get my OSAP. I know I have to write a letter of family break down so I can bypass the asking about my parental income b.s. Then I can apply to York for work study or a bursary *cross fingers*. Once I know the outcome of that, I'll have a better idea of whether I should drop courses and work p.t. Personally I'll rather do school f.t. and work the summer f.t. This summer I had to take calc II for next year, otherwise, I would've only taken a summer course if it was in the evening or one day of the week.

Oh So Tired

Went out last night after work. Was initially gonna have to go clubbing all by my wee self, but Alexzander was able to make it. I was downtown a little early (coming straight from Square One after work). So I stopped by at a bookstore to get something to read. Picked up an Upping The Anti magazine, issue 6; then had some food at Shanghai Cowgirl, where I met up with Mike and Alexz. Had a blast at RvM, but was a little too tired to keep up with DarkRave music. Now I am tired as fuck and my mind is going in slowmo, whilst I have this lingering feeling that I'm gonna get a headache, but it never comes (not that I want it to).

Week Sched:

Monday off. Finish 7.2 exercises, read 7.3
Tuesday off. More Calculus and cleaning the apt. Research at Observatory.
Wednesday 4:30 -10.
Thursday... forgot my work sched for this day...
Friday off. ... Hang out day, or club at neutral?
Saturday 12-7pm.

Things To Do:

- Meet with Student Financial Advisor to ask about OSAP app
- Pay off Visa & MC
- Call Acanac about internets
- Fill out Student Financial Profile
- Find out about replacement Passport and Driver's License
- Notify change of address to banks, etc.
- Order Propagandhi tickets

All Through the Night

Trying to move and study for a test is a little hectic. Though I have been procrastinating a bit... when have I haven't? I can't wait til Thursday when all of this is behind me and then I can look forward to going out on Saturday. I'm still debating if I want to go to the Darkrave (I love dancing at them), then decide to get smash there and party by myself til 3am, or save the money on cover & drinks while enjoying company at RvM. Is it a little strange that I kind of prefer option one? ...

Monday - Make dinner for later tonight, Buy a plastic container for fridge contents & strongbow from lcbo, Class from 1-3, Meet Alexzander, Help Ted move from 7-9pm.
Tuesday - Do last minute packing, Sister coming over at noon, Pick up truck at 3pm, Elevator booked from 5-7, Pizza and drinks! Study/Sleep.
Wednesday - Class from 1-3, Work 5-10pm
Thursday - Work from 10-4:30pm. Head over to Alexz?
Friday - Chill?
Saturday - 10-4:30pm, Go home, Go downtown.

I hope I don't have to work on Sunday til late. I wonder how I'm getting to work before the subway opens from the new place.

I'm going to stain this world!!! .... Emo-much Sandra.

I was a little pissed off from a comment by a supervisor at work. But now I'm just pissed off at myself for getting pissed off. I may have to work saturday from 8 - 3 instead of 10-3 as they our cutting our hours for next month and onwards. I'm debating how long I want to stay on. I can't really make a decision til the end of next month, so I'll see how it goes.

Anyways, I still fee a little like unleashing my wrath, so I'm gonna let that out with some Disturb and then mellow out with some Alexisonfire.

Dull Stuff - Planning ftw (for the week)

Monday: First day of my 1014 summer course. Goes from 1-3 every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Need to print out job application, resume and reference sheet before hand so should get to school around 11 to do that. Bring change of clothes. Go to sis' after class to baby sit.

Tuesday: Skip class, go to the Job Fair at the CNE, starts at 10am. Head to work around 2pm. Work is from 4-10pm. So no research tonight.

Wednesday: Classes, Study.

Thursday: Work 8-4pm.

Friday: Work 8-4pm. Probably head over to Ted's to help him pack if he's available.

Saturday: Work 10-3pm. Probably head over to Alexzander's.

Weekend of Awesomeness.

This was a pretty great week and ended on a high note. Though there were some kinks, I thoroughly had a good time.

Friday: Stayed over at Alexzander's Thursday night and was reviewing calculus during the day. I finally understand the First and Second Fundamental Principles of Calculus. I totally did not catch it the first time around during the course. I sort of bullshitted the end of 1013. Now, I'll have to practice integrating so I can get a better intuitive feel for it. Nevertheless happy I finally get it... sort of. Lol.

Then we went down to the Kool Haus to watch Dethklok. We got there around 8pm, an hour after the doors opened, but apparently we caught the end of Soylent Green playing and Chimera hadn't even played yet. So we didn't miss much, at least nothing important, ;). Ted was waiting for us at the door way.

Alexz and Ted really made my first official rock concert memorable. They watched out for me in the pit (which was fucken void of oxygen) and made me crowd surf. I had to take my glasses off and one of the lens still came out and I had to go fix it (missed Hatredcopter during it, aw), so I missed a bit of the show. Thus, I am not going to another concert like that without getting contacts first, save for the propagandhi show in July. I still got to see Brendon Small from far away, OMG - I heart. He looks so non-metal what with his short blond hair and ordinary outfit.

Dethklok played a rather short set, sadly. We left around 11 and had some food at the Golden Griddle up the street. I got to bed around 1:3oam.


Saturday: Had to wake up around 6:30 to get to work. I offered to work a little later as someone called in sick. Had an awesome surprise in the afternoon: Alexzander came and visited me at work, flower in hand. It was rather sweet. I was just happy to see him, though he kind of implied that he had gone to work, and so there I was working and feeling sorry for him when he got to sleep in. Lol.

This saturday was fet night, so we went to the Funhaus. It was rather dead when we got there. A little sad that Brittany and Abi couldn't make it out. Although I agreed with Alexz that the music kind of sucked, I still had some fun dancing. I got complimented by a guy who's hair I was admiring (as it remind me of robert smith), that was nice.

Sunday: SLEPT IN. Very happy about that. Had breakfast out with Alexz at 2pm. Har, har. Again our eggs were fucked up. How hard is it to get a breakfast order right? Obviously, a little.

Fathers... go fuck our mothers.

Today is father's day, and though I'm not into all these days designated for family members, I thought about my dad for a bit. (I rather treat my family to nice things on a regular basis because I want to than feel obligated to, one day of the year. Also just a means for people to spend money, consumer culture yada yada yada.)

And I've realized, right now, I hate him. Not hate in the way that I'm out to get him, ... well maybe a little. You know it's awful of me to think it but I relish no thought more than being at his death bed, not seeing him since I left the house, and saying to his face "I proved your retarded ass wrong. I didn't turn out to be a fuck up without your help. And I have less sympathy for you than I do a stranger."

Although I'm going all Baltar on this, I don't feel sorry for saying those things. At least understand the following before you condemn me. I tried everything to live up to his expectations while giving up a lot of shit for him and feeling like shit, while all I wanted in return was some room to grow and make mistakes. Ended up, the only way I could get that was to leave. I don't even want him to know what city I'm in or what school I go to, because the stress from being paranoid all the time of what he can do with that knowledge would fuck me up. Why am I so vehemently paranoid? Because my father is wholly unpredictable, stubborn, and has anger issues. Last time I talked to him was around a year ago, and he apologized to being a dick to me (all the time still 'advising' me what to do with my life even while i told him to stop), though not in those words, lol. Yet how can I accept it and feel un-threatened around him when he took back on his word with my sister on several occasions and threatened her life, or when he constantly told me while I was growing up to never ever think of coming back to him after leaving his household. You don't say those words with the conviction he did without meaning them or being prepared to eat them. So he probably won't see me or talk to me again for a fucken long while, because he clearly stated he doesn't want it. And he has said nothing to my mom to try and convince me otherwise.


There are weeks when I don't think about him and months where I might think about him in a good light.

************************************************

And you know what's worst, i can't get osap until i petition it because i'm still supposed to be dependent on my father's income. the fact that his presence can still influence my life by denying me funding if osap doesn't accept my petition makes me wanna puke.

Another week

Work Schedule for this week

Saturday 8-12:30, go pick up boxes and computer books, do the danforth or make breakfast burritos
Sunday 8-4
Monday 7:30 -4, super will check apartment
Wednesday: Babysit
Thursday 7:30 -4
Friday: Dethklok!!!
Saturday 8 - 5

**********************************

Propagandhi tickets are $18, and I have yet to find someone to join me. I'm still gonna go anyways, because I heart their music and what they say with their music. I still wish warsawpack was together so i can go see them again (they did a show at our school auditorium and I did not fully appreciated their musical glory til now).

Also, I am so pumped for dethklok. I think I shall listen to nothing but dethklok for the next week and do nothing without saying brutal/metal at least once. then i will be fully ready to enjoy brendon small on stage.

**********************************

I bought these pants the other day and they are a little too tight. Well, there are no change rooms on some shops on orfus :S. So it's hard to get the right size for pants. Anyways, this will be an impetus for me to loose those 10 pounds i've been meaning to loose for years. I would aim for 20 but that might be pushing it (but it would put me back to my grade 8 weight).

Also, I'm excited for the move. Excited to have a roommate to share food with and a room to officially turn into a uni-student deco. Oh and Battlestar is done in 2hrs. hurrah.

The Good, the Bad, and the Propagandhi

First things first. I got an A in bio. I don't know how, but I did. Second thing, I lost my little card holder with $40 dollars and my visa and my debit card and my bus pass. I don't mind losing everything else other than the bus pass. God damn wasting two hundred dollars. Oh wells. But I got an A in bio and do NOT have to retake it again.

Third thing, had research tonight at the observatory. Unsuccessful, but is starting to get hang of the procedures and equipment. When I have time, I'm gonna make sure I make a well documented and easy-to-flip-through manual so that future research nights, I won't be completely lost. I also hope I can be junior treasurer for the astronomy club, because I would hate for it to die after Ted and the rest leave.

Also, job wise, the future seems uncertain, and I have to open up my options again. I would love to get the physics lab setup job, but would like to get a good paying full time that had evening shifts that I can keep through at least first semester and is relatively close to school. I'll see.

Also, Propagandhi has a show in Toronto on July 27th. There is no way I am missing them. I wonder who I can get to join me...

mmmm weaker...thans.... mmmmm

Weakerthans, wow. Their lyrics are the type of poetry I want to be able to write. And they set that to music... well???? Heart much. Also, the lead singer is from Propagandhi. And they have a song in reference to curling... Oh-Em-Gee. I think Sarah would like them. Below are some of the lines I really like from their songs rearranged. Enjoy.
**************************************

Went absent cases down the stairs
Into the parking lot out back
A burst of moon
A blast of air
An understanding somewhere

…

We could walk to where these streets get pulled together
Blinking, lined with gravel, shoulder squared towards an end
Where the radio resounds from doppling traffic
Where the power lines steal lessons from the hourly news

Depluralize our casualties, drown the generals out in static
We turn and watch our city sprawl and send us signals in the glow
Of night windows

…

Know the things we need to say
We'd said already anyways
By parallelograms of light
On walls that we repainted white

…

After scrapping with the ferals and the tabby,
Let you brush my matted fur
How I'd knead into your chest while you were sleeping
Shallow breathing made me purr
…
But I can't remember the sound that you found for me

My confusion-cornered commuters are cursing the cold away
As December tries to dissemble the length of their working day
And they bite their mitts off to show me transfers, deposit change
and I can't stop finding your face in their faces, all rearranged
and angry like you never were.

...

"Why, why can't I draw right up to what I want to say?"
"Why can't I ever stop where I want to stay?"
I slide right through the day, I'm always throwing hack weight

…
The graphs in the board room show
by the time that the market opens in Tokyo,
I'll be worthless
…

Then idle in some parking lot, smoke half a smoke and ask
St. Boniface and St. Vital, preserve me from my past
Repair our potholes, prevent plant closures
and if they remember me at all, make them remember me
as more than a queer experiment, more than a diagram in their quarterly
Make them remember me
…

I'll listen to the south winds sigh with rumors and regrets
And I don't want to talk about it anymore
…

He looked more like our fathers
Not a goalie, player, athlete period
Smoke, half-ash, stuck in that permanent smirk.
…

We can wish on
The pop of a lightbulb
Or those photos
Lying yellow and curled
Loose in boxes
Near abandoned electronics
In the corners of the basements
Of the world

Scheduling

For tomorrow:
- pay school
- order transcript
- call bio undergrad office and go pick up student course performance summary if ready
- fill out summer osap
- fill out student financial profile
- activate mc
- make rice and noodles

*********************************
This week's work schedule:

sun June 8 - off
mon - 3 to 10pm
tues - 10 to 5pm
wed - 1 to 8pm
thurs - off
fri - 4 to 10pm
sat - 8 to 12:30pm

looks like i'm not opening any day this week except for saturday right after closing friday. sux. might as well just camp at the store and not bother wasting 2hrs of my sleeping time commuting.
**********************************

Fun and Insufficiency

This was a pretty great weekend. I had way too much fun at the Dark Rave v.100 for the hour that I spent there. I danced for an 45minutes straight. I wished I could have stayed there a bit longer but then again it may have ruined the high. I really do love getting slightly intoxicated and dancing to the darkrave music. I met that older guy who gave me a bracelet at my first darkrave/club night that I went to with Abi on my birthday. He gave me another bracelet! I danced with him and tried to thank him. It was a tinsy bit awkward when he told me I looked nice (and was "sexy"? - lol) and kissed me on the cheek, but as long as he wasn't gonna try anything more, it was alright. Also, I hanged out at rvm at savage garden for a bit. Also, met Tynan from Sparticist League there which was a surprise, but good to see him in a non-political capacity. Yep, Brittany and Chris are good company and we had some fun. We shared some shots celebrating chris's 23 b-day. They invited me to join them for fet night this month, but I feel it's too much to get cracking on Calculus and work and seeing Alexzander, to go clubbing every weekend. I definitely am gonna try my hardest to make it to July's fet and panic because I like the themes and am trying to get all the people i know and *heart* to go and have fun; hopefully avoiding any calc tests/exams occuring at the same time to study for.

I've been sort of planning my reaction to Alexzander on the nature of our relationship. I was hesitant to make any first comments as I didn't know how I will feel as time passes by and didn't want to say something and take it back or say more. I very much like spending time with him, talking to him, and sharing his perspective. It's comfortable without loss of intensity for me. Whatever happens, I do hope we can stay friends as I do enjoy his personality and company immensely. Today he brought it up, and we decided we both weren't looking for a serious relationship. To be honest I wasn't expecting us to be seeing each other so soon. That night I made him dance close with me, I was just seeing how it felt, then to ask him for us to get to know each other better, and was gonna call it a night. Well it went a little more than that, which was a unexpected but a pleasant surprise.

Now I'm just a little concerned how I will feel once full time school starts for both of us. I will certainly have less time to spend and more stress than the summer. I hated feeling sometimes obligated to spend time with Dave, even though he said he was okay with me being at school, he just never rested my worries and I got a bit too drama queen about it. I don't feel that with Alexz now, but I wasn't so sure about the fall. So I told Alexzander if he wanted out to tell me as soon as he knew, and that rests my fears.

If I'm not sufficient enough even after trying within my boundaries, I can't help it; but you don't have to put up with me.

***********************************

I was feeling a little poetic and was reading some old journal entries from my notebooks I had. I couldn't believe how different now I feel from then. The entries were a little depressing to remember but REALLY made me happy about the decision of moving out of my parents place. Everything that I felt was regretful about this past year pales in comparison to how regretful I would have felt if I had stayed in my dad's household. I feel I'm in a much better place right now, it's a good experience to have and cherish.

Blah to this meagre existence.

I'm feeling really mood swinging lately. Mainly from a recent email I got. I don't feel like I should be having fun and hanging out with people. I feel like retreating away. I'm afraid this internal conflict is gonna make me act like a jerk to friends.

But I don't want to give up some of the good stuff I have, and after all, I can't retreat very far if my roommate is Ted. He certainly won't let me do that. Lol. I guess I'll talk to him about it if he doesn't feel burden by my ranting my worries on him.

I don't know. I don't deserve this life.

update and lists

I hate mainstream news so much, especially the 24hr tv channels. shudder. shudder. shudder. Sometimes I want to say something in a conversation regarding my opinions, but it just doesn't come out right. Dave was the better informed of the two of us and better at debates. I feel so terrible that I haven't been keeping up with Campus R.I.O.T. stuff. I have to go through a month worth of listserv messages. One thing I do miss about Dave is how he kept me touch with politics.
*************************

Since I can't find a pen and paper around, I'm going to list some things that need to get done (stuff in black are done):

Financial Issues

- pay Bell bill

- phone Bell to cancel home line
- phone acanac about account
- get new address from Ted
- pay visa bill
- call about missing mastercard, ask for new one
- fill out summer osap
- fill out student financial profile
- pay uni for summer course

Academic Issues
- send petition forms to profs
- submit petition
- review calculus

Moving Issues
- find out truck rental rates and procedures
- ask soonest move in date
- ask latest move out date, can move out july 1?
- packing books
- cleaning house (windows, bathrm)
- forwarding mail
- changing zmag subscription

Grocery List
- detergent
- bread
- mayonaise
- frozen veggies

**************************************

Plans for this week:

Tuesday
- wake up at 7am
- leave at 8 to sis'
- bring april ttc pass for refund
- call zaheen about plans for saturday
- leave sis' at 7pm
- research at observatory 8:30pm
- get all forms ready for profs to fill out, create cover letter, label envelopes

Wednesday
- wake up at 7am
- leave for school by 8am
- drop of forms
- go to sis'
- leave by 8pm

Thursday
- work 7-4

Friday
- work 7-4
- visit Alexzander (?)

Saturday
- meet up with Abi (5-ish?)
- pillow fight 7pm
- panic at funhaus before 11pm
(i hope i work late sunday ... fingers crossed)
***************************************************

is it weird that i'm strangely excited and happy about having so much crap to get done? anyways a fairly packed week, but i've schedule some play time. also i'm happy i'm looking after my sister's cats, kira and missy. they are a lot less annoying than mikey and i'm used to them.

I hate how capitalism turns everything into some exploitive, meaningless, ugly product.

Art should be for expression, enjoyment, personal fulfillment. I say this in response to a vendor behind me at school selling "artsy" print shirts. They are artsy because they look vintage, have the usual indie icons and are being sold for $15 and up. It looks so fake and unoriginal. I rather buy from that cool guy from Berlin from livingarts, I met on the anti-war march who was selling patches, postcards, buttons, and print records with a socialist/anti-authoritarian/anti-corp message on them. "Uuu-runium mining is bad." Too cute.

anti-war meeting

Last Wednesday, the York anti-war group had a meeting, a teach-in actually for members. The purpose was “form an analysis” about the war in Afghanistan and to start organizing events around campus. I was anticipating the meeting hoping I would find out some new information regarding the situation but was disappointed.

First off, we had an hour long introduction where every said their name and spiel of why they want to be a part of the group. Just as I thought things were getting on their way, we interrupt for a break to serve the pizza. I think this seriously disrupted the flow of the meeting. I think if they had done the break after the presentations by the two speakers, it would keep us more focus when we came back to discuss about the analysis and then move quickly to organizing activities. Instead, the group decided to take the time to discuss group politics: What we should focus on? How we should have imperialist behaviours in our own dealings. How the issue of Palestine was important to include. How we shouldn’t suppose what the Afghans want. I agree all of this important and I think be met better in our course of action and course of talking about what we think is happening in Afghanistan. How did we get through 80% of the meeting without talking about the situation? Someone who had recently moved from Germany to here and had previously commented of the void of political action on campus made the comparison again. He soon left, I can only guess why. After he talked, one girl talked about some things we could do: tabling, have a speak-out. We didn’t have a vote or concession if this is what we want to do, instead we literally ignored it and then continued talking about why it’s important to talk but do organizing too. I said that we should talk about the analysis presented and to ask questions and keep the discussion on that, and once that is over get to organizing. I get a reply like how that is important but so is talking about how we want to do it or something similar, I can’t remember. I zoned out after that and waited for them to eventually split into two groups: one was to do research and create pamphlets, other was to make plans for action.

Sorry for ranting. I thought it would be informative for me on how I can better deal with these situations in the future. I guess I will have to be more assertive, suggest a vote, suggest to break up into groups, suggest to have a consensus on a resolution next time. I left the meeting, okay and partially satisfied. I was sad that I left there with little to add to my understanding of the situation (even someone voicing a pro-war voice would have made the meeting more stimulating) but we had some form of action to prepare for so that was good. I’m a little tweaked that not many have joined the google group I created or have posted replies and
stuff on it.

Afterwards, Dave and I went to the parking lot roof to watch the lunar eclipse. I was pretty awesome but the cold go to me and it wasn’t as fun anymore. I wish it had been summer time, then we could’ve sat out more and watch the eclipse happen instead of going inside and then back out again.

I just watched some CBC debate on the Richard Dawkins documentary: Root of All Evil. It was pretty ridiculous. I'm kind of tired of the religion debate, but watching stuff like that is still amusing. I may pose criticisms later.

Gantz and Battle Royale

I've watched the most gore I've seen in months, but one was an anime so I'm not sure it counts. They were still much more fun to watch then the Saw or Hostel series.

I watched the whole series (two seasons) of an anime called Gantz in over three days. It's about a bunch of dead people being forced to participate in a 'game' to kill aliens in order to survive. I'll admit it was a pretty poorly done anime dialogue and directing wise, but the concept is pretty interesting and brings up a throng of moral dilemmas. The most irritating part of the show was that most of the time the characters are standing around debating about what to do, while the enemies in the meantime do nothing (all the character should be dead by all means). The show was able to create an intense atmosphere of fear and adrenaline for me. There was a lot of head's being chopped and death. I really like the final temple god because it seemed invincible. Some of the moral dilemmas they faced right from the beginning included whether: to risk your life saving a homeless man from being hit by a train, to fight the aliens and if they were really evil, whether to help someone who acted remorseless and heartless towards you, Gantz was just using them and to what purpose, who to trust, etc. The show reminded me of movies like the Cube because they both had groups of isolated strangers put in an absolutely strange situation where they had to learn themselves slowly and often by trial and error what was happening to them. At the same time they are feeling paranoia towards each despite having to cooperate with each other in order to survive. It was sort of like Akira in that virtually nothing was explained while more and more plots were piled on. The show’s ending was provocative, though I didn't really understand it. The ending also reminded me of Donnie Darko. It would have been a brilliant show if it was better executed. (Oh, just so you know, the main character starts off as a very horny teenager so he says and does a lot of ridiculous, immature things.)

Afterwards, I watched a movie called Battle Royale with Dave. It's about a class of high schoolers forced to kill each other to the death until only one is left alive in the course of three days or they all die. There is the obvious shock of seeing kids in a very serious and mature situation as in the movie Kids. But the strongest impression it left was the fact that it wasn't far fetch to assume that people will adapt to the situation even if it's the most inhumane farfetched scenario you can think of.

Anti-Israeli Government Policies on Palestine

I'm angry because I'm having to write this post again because everything magically disappeared even when I SAVED halfway through. I hate my stupid mouse pad on my laptop. Anyways, Dave found this site that posted a speech about Anti-Semitism by Martin Luther King Jr.: http://www.paulasays.com/articles/on_israel/mlk_on_anti-semitism.html. I don't know what MLK Jr. would write after learning about the current state of Palestine.

I'm looking at this site and reading some other articles by this Paula Stern. Stern describes life in Israel as pretty bad because of having to live in constant fear of terrorist attacks, of Israelis being forced off their homes, of not being able to pray in areas of Jerusalem. I'm reading this and thinking it should be describing Palestinian life. Stern herself blames the conditions Palestinians live in as their own fault saying "Funny that they do not identify this supposed destruction with ongoing Palestinian corruption, internal fighting, the embezzlement and misuse of millions of dollars that should have been spent on education, on health care, on roads and infrastructure." in an article where she criticizes Amnesty International for being biased against Israel and having lost credibility. I'm laughing and at the same time apalled by this website while unfortunately regretting that this is what a majority of people believe or agree to.

I have a friend named Abi. I was mentioning to her that it was pretty awful that Palestinians have to live under occupation. She replies that the debate of whose land it was has been going on for centuries and is not going to be resolved now. I wasn't sure what to say as anything I said would be foreign to her. So I said that Palestinians were forced out of their homes; it would be like if the Aboriginals forced us out of ours except I corrected myself in saying that they would have legitimate reasons because we forced them off theirs first. (I don't think she understood. I think I have to make her watch Peace, Propaganda and the Promise Land, which was the documentary that politicized me to the issue. She later in the day mentions she wants to visit Israel, and I'm secretly choking inside at the thought of site of former homes and villages of now most likely dead or deeply impoverished Palestinians.) Well we need to pay reparations to indigenous people, massive reparations for the genocidal policies afflicted on them; same with the Palestinian people. As far as I know Jews weren't forced off Palestine were they? I mean weren't Jews living there before Britain handed Palestine over to the Zionist lobbyists (who before that were conducting their own terrorist attacks for their cause). I don't know the exact history of that, but I'm not suggesting we dismantled the state of Israel. The majority of the UN council (except for US and Israel) agreed that the occupations of the West Bank and Gaza Strip are illegal. Palestinians want no more than what we have much more of here in Canada, the US, and Israel: their own state, real control over their government, land, security, and future. They can't have that if Israel continues to built settlements in their land, hinder and denigrate every aspect of their life.

Interesting quote on Youtube

In response to this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ef_blCCBJp0

bluedevilx7 (1 week ago) Show Hide

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Pinky has quite an annoying voice. Does the delusional individual who voices it intend to sound so irritating. Talk about nasals issues. Perhaps if you weren't so pretentious you might get something. SUPERBLY CONSTRUCTED PROPAGANDA.

WeAre1withtheUnivers (4 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam

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Media omissions, distortion, inaccuracy and bias in the US is something acknowledged by many outside the USA, and is slowly realized more and more inside the US. However, due to those very same omissions, distortion, inaccuracy and bias in the US mainstream media, it is difficult for the average American citizen to obtain an open, objective view of many of the issues that involve the United States

Reply to FNB group

First, what happens in Afghanistan should be up to the Afghans. If they want help, we should be send it on their asking and on their terms, not what we think is best for them and not protecting their government officials who where former drug/warlords. The people of that region have no control over what NATO troops do. Many see us an oppressive presence and many Afghans want to support the Taliban because they see it as a form of resistance to occupation. This makes it easy for fundamentalists to sway desperate youth to their cause; we are increasing terrorism.

Second, we should oppose war because it's immoral, not because of pragmatic reasons. By pragmatic reasons, I mean that "the war is not going the way we thought." That's the same reason why the majority of intellectuals oppose the Vietnam war. We have no right in forcing ourselves onto another country, making decisions for them, and making a profit from them (by contracting, weapon selling, protecting business interests). The truth of the matter is we are hypocrites. We pick and choose who we want to 'help' and when we want to get involved when it meets our interests. Eg. US supports Saddam when he commits his worst atrocities, in particular against Kurds, but US also supports Turkey's violence against Kurds living there, and supports the dictator Suharto in Indonesia. And if we can't accept and punish those responsible for our mistakes and our war crimes, we have no right to go policing others. There's a whole list of why the war in Afghanistan was illegal and wrong. But I just want to talk about war in general.

I don't know about training Afghan police and military. Again I don't know if the people we are training aren't just gonna be tools used for future oppression just as the government installed is just a puppet government.

All the money that's put into the war in Afghanistan and for security for international forces can be put to much better use if was actually going to feed, clothe, build homes and infrastructure for the Afghans, even if it wasn't spent for the impoverished here.

So I guess it's a no for the petition. WOW.

And all YOU fuckers think it's great to 'support' our troops

"The government of Afghan President Hamid Karzai is dominated by warlords and drug lords, who continue to commit widespread human rights abuses."

That's who we are defending.

(I edited some stuff out of the following and posted it on my facebook. I got pretty upset at keeping meeting people who thought the war was helping the Afghans and thought Iraq was bad on pragmatic reasons. Do people not understand how they would feel if a military force came into your homes and started acting as if they were helping all the while they are settling into your house to exploit your labour and resources?)

Following directly taken from http://tdrc.net/index.php?page=housing-not-war.
__________________________

A CALL FOR ACTION:

DECLARE – HOUSING NOT WAR!

Sign the Declaration now!

Click for Individuals or Organizations

A Call for Action

The Housing Not War Declaration

I/we support the demand that the federal government implement a Housing Not War strategy. Canada is at war in Afghanistan. Homelessness remains a national disaster in Canada. Canadian troops should come home, and funding directed towards war and militarism should go towards housing and other peaceful purposes.

As homelessness worsens in Canada, the federal government can no longer justify spending untold billions of dollars on war. We call for the 1% solution – an additional 1% of the federal budget to be allocated towards social housing. This would bring spending to $4 billion per year.

To immediately sign the declaration click: Individuals or Organizations

Dowloadable PDF files:
A Call for Action: Declare – Housing Not War
Declaration petition form for individuals
Declaration form for organizations

The Toronto Disaster Relief Committee (TDRC) and the Canadian Peace Alliance (CPA) are asking individuals and organizations to sign the attached declaration stating that they want the Federal government to fund a HOUSING NOT WAR strategy. The Federal government will allot 8.5% ($18.2 billion) of its budget in 2007-2008 to the military. Money is now flowing towards the military at a rate 69% higher than 10 years ago.

This increased military spending comes during Canada’s worst housing crisis since the Great Depression. At present only 1% ($2 billion) of the federal budget is devoted to housing and supports. We propose the 1% solution: the housing budget should be increased by 1% to 2% ($4 billion) of the federal budget, doubling it. People’s lives depend on this important shift in priority.

We are asking individuals and organizations to endorse the Housing Not War Declaration. We will also strategize to get city councils and mayors across Canada to do the same. We will need your help.

The Homelessness Disaster Worsens

In 1998, the newly formed Toronto Disaster Relief Committee (TDRC) issued the State of Emergency Declaration, declaring homelessness a National Disaster. The Declaration sparked a national campaign calling for the “1% Solution”, the allocation of an additional 1% of Federal, Provincial and Territorial budgets towards a national housing program. [1]

The Toronto City Council voted 53 to 1 that Homelessness was a National Disaster. The municipalities of Ottawa-Carleton, Vancouver, Victoria, Durham Region, Nepean and Peel passed similar resolutions. The Big City Mayors’ Caucus of the Federation of Canadian Municipalities also endorsed the Declaration. Hundreds of organization, including AIDS service organizations, health centres, hospitals, faith organizations, unions, and organizations serving poor people also signed on. Soon after, the United Nations described the situation in Canada as a “national housing emergency.”

These condemnations resulted in the 1999 appointment by the then Prime Minister of a Federal ‘Homelessness Minister’ and in over $1 billion allocated to homelessness relief programs during the past eight years. However, senior levels of government continued to ignore the funding of actual housing.

The results were predictable. Homelessness has increased along with its inevitable outcomes: suffering, the spread of communicable diseases, endemic rates of tuberculosis, and deaths. In 1992, Street Health released the Street Health Report, commended by the World Health Organization for exposing the horrific health status of homeless people in Canada. Fifteen years later, the new Street Health Report 2007 outlines the downward trajectory of homeless peoples’ health. For example, during the study, more than half of the homeless people interviewed reported that they had experienced serious depression; 1 in 10 had attempted suicide; 1 in 5 women had been raped or sexually assaulted; three quarters of the respondents had at least one chronic or ongoing health problem. In addition, homeless people were 20 times as likely to have epilepsy, 29 times as likely to have Hepatitis C, twice as likely to have diabetes, and so forth. [2]

While funding for housing and supports barely increased, major cities such as Toronto fell into financial crisis. In Ontario, housing programs were downloaded from senior levels of government, and the upkeep of existing public housing was not funded.

Unquestionably, this is Canada’s most serious housing crisis since the Great Depression. There is now widespread recognition that the lack of a fully funded national housing program will result in persistent mass homelessness.

The United Nations Special Rapporteur on the Right to Adequate Housing, Miloon Kothari, in his press statement outlining his preliminary observations at the end of his recent two-week fact-finding mission to Canada stated:

“Everything that I witnessed on this mission confirms the deep and devastating impact of this national crisis on the lives of women, youth, children and men.” He added:

“The Federal Government needs to commit funding and programmes to realize a comprehensive national housing strategy, and to co-ordinate actions among the provinces and territories, to meet Canada’s housing rights obligations. Canada needs to once again embark on a large scale building of social housing units across the country.”

The only remedy to the 1930s and 40s housing crisis was a national housing program won by popular struggle. The government created the program in response to protests led by World War II veterans who, facing an acute housing shortage upon their return home, campaigned for their right to housing.

However, we no longer live in the 1930s or in a period where we witness the return of thousands of housing-challenged war veterans. Instead, we see our streets filled with homeless people. Single people and families with children are crowded into shelters and unsafe housing. Overall, 1.8 million Canadians cannot afford proper housing. An estimated 300,000 experience homeless during any given year, of whom 60,000 are youth and at least 20,000 are children. First Nations people have often suffered the most, facing housing conditions, both on and off reserve, that are unsafe and overcrowded. Their levels of homelessness are extreme.

However, in the period after homelessness was declared a National Disaster, Federal spending on housing and homelessness has remained insignificant, while military spending has significantly increased. The largest increase occurred when Canada marched into Afghanistan to support the U.S. led ‘war on terror’.

Canada’s military spending will reach $18.2 billion in 2007-08, the highest annual amount since World War II. Much of this is being spent on military equipment intended for the war in Afghanistan, like the $3.4 billion for four military transport planes and $1.3 billion for 100 battle tanks. That $4.7 billion for arms could have provided at least 30,000 affordable homes for homeless families. The military budget now represents 8.5% of all Federal spending. This flies in the face of housing activists’ long-time demand that an additional 1% of the Federal budget be put towards a new national housing program to end homelessness.

Homeless and underhoused people in Canada are increasingly forced to tighten their belts to help finance military ventures that a majority of Canadians do not support.

Canada at War

Canada is at war in Afghanistan. Since 2001, Canadian Forces have fighting a war that has now lasted longer than World War II. Not since the Korean War have so many Canadian soldiers been deployed to combat. Canadian government spending on war and militarism is now higher than at any time since World War II. [3]

Meanwhile, public opposition to the war continues to grow across Canada. A clear majority wants the troops to come home now, or by 2009 at the latest. [4]

Despite this opposition, Prime Minister Stephen Harper proposed in the October 2007 Throne Speech that Canadian troops stay in Afghanistan until 2011. Chief of Defence Staff Rick Hillier suggests they’re needed much longer. [5]

In the war so far, Canadian troops have suffered one of the highest casualty rates of all NATO countries involved. Thousands of Afghans have been killed. Many more have been injured, made homeless, or displaced. [6]

Six years after the invasion began, Afghans’ situation is no better than before the war. Few Afghans have access to clean water and electricity; poverty and unemployment severe; hundreds of millions of aid dollars have gone missing; reconstruction projects have been abandoned; opium production is at record levels; women have little safety. [7]

The government of Afghan President Hamid Karzai is dominated by warlords and drug lords, who continue to commit widespread human rights abuses. According to Kathy Gannon, an Associated Press reporter for nearly 20 years in Afghanistan and Pakistan, the Karzai government is “the biggest collection of mass murderers you’ll ever get in one place”. [8]

The NATO forces are propping up this government and providing it with arms. Ordinary Afghans, on the other hand, would prefer to see the warlords disarmed and brought to justice for their war crimes committed during the last twenty years. Instead, President Karzai has granted them immunity. [9]

These facts reveal a stark contrast between the rosy and optimistic claims made by Harper and Hillier about Afghanistan and the dire and deteriorating situation on the ground.

Ken Georgetti, president of the Canadian Labour Congress, the largest trade union federation in Canada, questioned the Canadian government’s claims in September 2006:

At the moment, our military isn’t fighting the forces of corruption, violence and the heroin trade. We’re supporting them, and this is not told to the thousands of Canadian soldiers sent to the battlegrounds of Kandahar. […] Prime Minister, I fully support our troops; that’s why I don’t want them engaged in a fight that only benefits a government chock full of despots and heroine runners. [10]

Malalai Joya, a young woman member of the Afghan Parliament, is an outspoken human rights advocate. She was elected in September 2005 with the second highest vote in Farah province. According to Joya:

The situation in Afghanistan and conditions for women will not change positively until the warlords have been disarmed and both the pro-US and anti-US terrorists are removed from the political scene in Afghanistan. And it is the responsibility of the Afghan people to accomplish this goal. [11]

As a result of her outspoken criticism of warlords and drug lords in the central government, Joya has faced numerous assassination attempts. On May 21, 2007, because of her public criticism of her co-parliamentarians’ human rights abuses, Joya was expelled from parliament. Our government claims to support democracy and women’s rights in Afghanistan. Yet Harper made no comment about Joya’s case. [12]

Opposition to the NATO mission is widespread in Afghanistan, and resistance to foreign occupation is growing. The Senlis Council, an international policy think tank, revealed in September 2006 that support for the Taliban was on the rise – largely due to the behaviour of occupying troops. Other organizations – including Womenkind Worldwide, Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International and Afghan human rights groups – have also criticized the role of NATO forces. [13]

One recent poll that claims to prove that a majority of Afghans support the NATO mission has been widely publicized in an attempt to rationalize continued Canadian involvement in the war. But this poll was conducted by a firm, D3 Systems, that has also claimed that most Iraqis support the occupation of their country. It raised more questions than it answered and produced contradictory results. [14]

NATO forces’ increasingly aggressive tactics in Afghanistan reflect the fact that more and more Afghans are opposed to the occupation and are now more actively resisting it. NATO is now using more overt military means to try to impose control over the country.

In the last six months of 2006, NATO warplanes dropped more bombs on Afghanistan than during the war up until then. Increasing civilian deaths have prompted widespread demonstrations and strikes in Afghanistan. Lord Ashdown, the former United Nations High Representative for Bosnia and Herzegovina, told the NATO summit in Noordwijk, Holland that “We have lost, I think, and success is now unlikely”. [15]

Even the Canadian Senate, in a report released in February 2007, has argued that claims that the mission is making progress in Afghanistan are untrue: “Anyone expecting to see the emergence in Afghanistan within the next several decades of a recognizable modern democracy capable of delivering justice and amenities to its people is dreaming in Technicolor”. [16]

Statements like these have added momentum to the call to withdraw Canadian troops from the NATO mission now. Criticism now comes from all quarters: the peace movement, human rights groups, NGOs, government agencies, military personnel and, most important, Afghans themselves.

The war in Afghanistan is part of the broader US-led “war on terror”. NATO troops in Afghanistan are using the same tactics and fighting the same war as the US and its allies in Iraq. The vast majority of people around the world, including in the United States, are not deceived by the war propaganda and want the troops out.

Similarly, people in Canada realize that, far from its claims about democracy, women’s rights, reconstruction and aid, the Federal government has other reasons for a continued presence in Afghanistan. The Caspian Sea region of Central Asia has been the site of countless struggles among international powers for political and economic control. The region’s rich oil, gas and mineral deposits have attracted Western corporations for decades, often leading to military conflicts.

At the beginning of the 20th century, the British saw thousands of their troops killed in their efforts to occupy Afghanistan, and were forced to withdraw in defeat. At the end of the century, the Soviet Union fought a similar failed war. These former wars devastated Afghanistan and exacted even higher death tolls on the Afghan people. Why should we expect a different outcome from the present war?

The Canadian government should heed the lessons of history, lest we repeat it.

What We Can Do

People and organizations across Canada are coming together to act on the realization that the Federal government cannot justifiably continue to spend billions on waging a destructive, faraway war in Afghanistan which the majority of Canadians oppose, while homelessness remains a national disaster in our country.

You can help by committing yourself to the struggle to redirect government funding from the waste and expenditure of this war to the social productivity of peace in both Canada and Afghanistan.

We believe that we can stop relying on military arms and trust in the strong arms of builders and carpenters in Canada and Afghanistan. Canada should send aid, not arms, for the reconstruction of Afghanistan. Our troops should come home to a country where a national housing program provides homes for all.

Finally, we believe that by coming together around this issue, we can push our government to act.

Sign the declaration and demand a Housing Not War strategy now!

• Individuals and organizations are encouraged to sign.

• The declaration can be signed online, or downloaded and printed out and mailed back to TDRC.

• Spread the word: get your friends, family, co-workers and peers to sign.

• Be prepared to help to get the declaration passed by cities and municipalities across Canada.

You are also welcome to contact the Housing Not War campaign to find out how else you can get directly involved. Please email housingnotwar@gmail.com

BACKGROUND SOURCES:

[1]
“State of Emergency Declaration”. Toronto Disaster Relief Committee. Oct. 1998

[2]
Ambrosio, Baker, Crowe, Hardill & Jordan. “The Street Health Report”. May 1992
“The Street Health Report 2007”. Street Health. Sept. 2007

[3]
Staples, Steve & Robinson, Bill. “More Than The Cold War: Canada’s Military Spending 2007-08”. Foreign Policy Series 2.3 (2007)

[4]
Canadian Press. “Canadians still want Canada out of Afghanistan”. CTV.ca News. Nov. 4, 2007
“Canadians Want Troops Out of Afghanistan”. Angus Reid Global Monitor. Apr. 26, 2007

[5]
“Afghan military needs 10 years before it's ready to go it alone: Hillier”. Canadian Press. Oct. 25, 2007

[6]
Challands, Sarah. “Cdns bearing brunt of Afghan coalition casualties”. CTV.ca News. Sept. 18, 2006
“Afghanistan death toll rising”. Aljazeera.net News. Oct. 4, 2007
“Air war costs NATO Afghan supporters”. Christian Science Monitor. Dec. 18, 2006

[7]
Associated Press. “Afghanistan five years later: poverty, violence, misery”. Seattle Times. Oct. 7, 2006
Chamberlain, Gethin. “US military: Afghan leaders steal half of all aid”. Sunday Telegraph. Jan. 29, 2007
Blackwell, Tom. “State of the Afghan Nation: Opium”. National Post. Nov. 10, 2007
Senlis Council. “Canada in Kandahar: No Peace to Keep - A Case Study of the Military Coalitions in Southern Afghanistan”. 2006

[8]
Human Rights Watch. “World Report 2007: Afghanistan”. Jan.. 2007
Human Rights Watch. “Afghanistan: Return of the Warlords”. Jun. 2002
Campbell, Duncan. “Afghan warlords ‘bigger threat than Taliban’”. Guardian. Jul. 13, 2004

[9]
Human Rights Watch. “Blood-Stained Hands: Past Atrocities in Kabul and Afghanistan’s Legacy of Impunity”. 2005
“Afghan bill gives amnesty to Mullah Omar, Hekmatyar”. The Nation. Feb. 2, 2007

[10]
Georgetti, Ken. “Who Are We Defending in Afghanistan?”. Canadian Labour Congress online. Sep. 8, 2006

[11]
Georgetti, Ken. “Who Are We Defending in Afghanistan?” Canadian Labour Congress online Sep. 8, 2006

[12]
Sengupta, Kim. “Afghan MP expelled for calling parliament ‘worse than a zoo’”. Independent. May 22, 2007

[13]
Senlis Council. “Afghanistan Five Years Later: The Return of the Taliban”. 2006

[14]
“Polling Afghanistan: Questions and Contradictions”. Canadian Peace Alliance statement. Oct. 22, 2007

[15]
Morajee, Rachel. “Air War Costs NATO Afghan Supporters”. Christian Science Monitor. Dec. 17, 2006
Rahman, Noor. “Fresh anti-US protest over Afghan civilian deaths”. Reuters. May 1, 2007
Coghlan, Tom. “Afghanistan is lost, says Lord Ashdown”. Telegraph. Oct. 29, 2007

[16]
Standing Senate Committee on National Security and Defence. “Canadian Troops in Afghanistan: Taking a Hard Look at a Hard Mission”. 2007